Monday, May 14, 2012

Birthday Self Portrait

Sweaty and flushed after a hike in the canyon with Sticks, I took this self portrait.  Almost a year since I completed my 365 days project, and sometimes I wonder what I look like.  Such easy flow between work and leisure. The life I always wanted, the life I created.  Started the day with a yoga class, third in a row.  Out of the blue, my life long aversion to back bends is dissipating.  Well, my adult life long aversion.  In my youth I flipped forwards and backwards constantly.  Although back walkovers were never my favorite, standing back bends and front walkovers were accomplished with relative ease.  Found myself randomly thinking about them, back bends, today, wanting to do them again.   I change in the most surprising ways. 

Birthdays result in reflection.  I'm most certain more than half of my life is accumulated in the past, already-lived column.  At times this thought frightens me.  What could possible lie ahead that will be as exciting as my past?  Years of not knowing who I would become, or what doors would open as I tried to shoo innocence, and inexperience away propelled me to have amazing experiences.   As I've come into focus, my path has gotten narrower and easier to identify.   I love excitement, but not if it's going to deprive me of tranquility.  I'm still driven, in fact, my work aspirations are currently in over drive, but I don't push.  I accept, and court patience every day, especially when it comes to closing deals at Sony.  When I was an adolescent exploring New York City through young adult eyes, and soaking up culture as fast as I could, I asked my Grandmother why she didn't travel into the city more often from her home in Long Island.  "Don't you want to see this new play, exhibit or restaurant?  "Dear, I've already done that."  Her response has remained in my memory for decades.  A benign, throw away exchange, but I knew, although I couldn't crack the code, she had given me a nugget of wisdom.  What I couldn't comprehend or appreciate then,  I can now see through the lens of time. The understanding is bittersweet.  It could have only come with age, knowledge, and years of living.  There are many things that no longer appeal to me because I've "been there, done that".  I do hope life continues to offer many surprises and contentment doesn't lead to complacency.

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful girl -- inside and out. So much more to experience but with a perspective only offered by the years behind you.... Keep on leaping. xox

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