In the past few years I've made two significant changes. I broke an engagement because in my heart I knew he wasn't the right guy. And I left my dream job because it didn't come close to fulfilling the potential it initially promised. After the break up, I was much more interested in regaining my solitude than finding someone new to date. I left my job with no immediate intention of finding another one because I longed for the freedom to sleep in, be outdoors, travel and stay up late. In both situations, I wanted to clear the decks and open myself up to all that was possible. As a result, I've had some amazing adventures, but in truth the decks are still clear. I'm still looking for true love and the job that will give me satisfaction and balance. The hardest thing is for me to believe that these experiences are still ahead of me when in fact I feel like I've run into a brick wall. The picture was taken downtown from an office window.
I'm so familiar with this wall. I've counted the bricks and cracks so many times - and then out of nowhere it dissolves. I've tried barreling through it, scaling over it to no avail. I gave up on finding the love of my life, years went by, and poof! there he was. It took some serious dismantling of my own belief structures to let him in but we have been together now for fifteen years. You'll find your way, your man --- but, yeah - i know the wall sucks.
ReplyDelete"One man's ceiling is another man's floor." And one woman's wall will prove a window. I think this is a rite of passage....from rushing to knowing.
ReplyDeleteI have the perfect boyfriend and crave solitude. I have a dream job but am constantly thinking about personal art projects. 10 years seems to put a perspective on daily inner struggle, but the real stories come from facing the brick wall and sometimes wailing on it.
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