Introspection

The days are passing without a blog entry.  I feel compelled to write.  Various topics swirl around my head.  I'm in search of a proverbial arrow to sail across my mind and pin one down.  I riffle through a list of potential subjects -- The provocative, witty memoir, THE TENDER BAR by J. R Moehringer whose pages were like laughing and frolicking with friends at the beach.  The delightful, contemporary movie THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT which made me bask again in the magic of film making.  The disappointing, downtown art walk that was in desperate need of organization and inspiring creations.  The realization after a seminar on composting that I'm not up for the task of separating my carbon and nitrogen waste and churning it in a tub in my backyard.   However, when I look back on the summer of 2010 those won't be the defining experiences.  Instead this season will be marked by the solitude and silence of my days.  As I get more and more comfortable with the uncomfortableness of being still I encounter my thoughts.  Conflicting, familiar, and often pessimistic thoughts.  The escape hatch into distraction is present, but I'm not interested in running.  Instead, I face them.  I teeter on the precipice of an unknown world.  I lose sight of the battle I'm trying to win, the point I'm trying to make.  I know my thoughts don't define me, but they've been with me for so long.  Who am I if I shed them?  Who will I become without them?