Godot

I've never been a good wait-er, not as in "can I take your order?", but rather in waiting for something or someone.  Waiting occurred often in my youth since my mother had a case of being perpetually earlier. We never arrived on time at the orthodontist, bur rather twenty minutes prior to the appointment.  Even if the doctor was running on time I was still able to sift through a stack of magazines prior to having my teeth examined.  The other night, waiting at home for a friend who was first delayed at work and then in traffic, I was reminded how difficult it is for me to pause, especially when the pause is not self-imposed.  I can spend hours reading or being online, but if that hour is due to a delayed friend or flight it's harder for me to chill.  I'm simply not my best when I'm waiting.  Even if I try to distract myself with a task I'm still aware that what I'm rally doing is waiting.  In the last ten months my days of unemployment have been languid like a warm summer's night.  However, the more I seek the perfect job opportunity, the less carefree my days seem.  I may not start working again for another six or eight months, but my perspective has already shifted.  My time no longer feels like my own.  I hesitate about planning a month long trip or signing up for another photography class. Transitioning from my last job into an extended period of play was achieved with ease.  The greater challenge is facing the transition ahead.  While I need to plan for it and make it happen, I also need to be in the moment instead of waiting for the next one to arrive.