Photo

Today's reverb 10 prompt: Photo - a present to yourself

Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words.

In May I took this self portrait for a photography class assignment.  I put on a vintage gown and set up my newly purchased tripod in my back yard.  The sun was radiant and warm on my shoulders.  I was looking at my image reflected in the glass door behind me as the timer counted down.  The smile is real.  I was happily embracing my new life, no work and lots of play.  This photo propelled me to join 365 Days on Flickr.   The beginning of many new adventures . . .

Name

Today's reverb 10 prompt:  New Name

Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

In my mind my alter ego is called Jane.  I like the simplicity, the sound of the singular syllable.  She's not plain, but rather fresh, unblemished, and optimistic.

Avoidance

Today's reverb 10 prompt:  Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?

I cannonballed into the deep end of 2010.  I truly cannot think of something I wanted to do, but didn't pursue.  In fact, it was a year of realizing many things I put off in the past out of fear and or lack of time.  Tackling my digital camera, shooting every day, taking classes was something I've always wanted to do, and I'm doing it.  Committing to my yoga practice, check.  Starting a blog, check.  Dating, check.  Spending quality time with friends, check.  Being in the moment, check.  Traveling to unexplored places, check.  Saying no, when no was the right answer, check.  Letting go of things I don't need to grasp tightly, check.  Saying yes, when yes was the right answer, check.  Being spontaneous, check.  Being quiet, check.  Taking care of myself, check.  Asking for help, check.  Trusting the process, check.  I don't believe in shoulds, and 2010 was exactly how it was supposed to be.  I look forward to the unfolding adventure in 2011.

Healing

Today's reverb 10 prompt:  Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Food.  After a detox at the end of 2009 I started 2010 invigorated, and committed to changing my eating habits.  Always on the healthier side of the eating spectrum, I didn't have far to go to make the adjustment.  I bought a juicer and started to experiment with smoothie and juice recipes.  I preferred farmers' markets to grocery stores, cooking to eating out, whole foods to processed ones, legumes to meat.  I gave up Diet Coke, a guilty pleasure I've been carrying around since I was a teen.  When I eat a balanced, healthy diet I feel incredibly good.

How would I like to be healed in 2011?  By love.

Try

Today's reverb 10 prompt:  Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

I want to try on a new relationship.  I'm ready to experience a heart, body and soul commitment.  I dated  in 2010, but the fit wasn't quite right.  I found myself compartmentalizing, but in 2011 I want it all from one person.

Lessons

Today's reverb 10 prompt:  Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

Over and over again in 2010, I heard the same lesson:  I have a choice through which prism I view life.  I can choose to get caught up in fear or negativity or I can choose to let my concerns roll through me like puffy clouds passing overhead on a sunny day.  I choose optimism, to see the good in people, and to trust and believe that the universe knows best.  Additionally, life is brilliant when I choose to love myself rather than focusing on my foibles.  When I encounter frustration I seek compassion.  I will continue to  embrace the potholes in my path, the wrinkles on my face, the impatience in my soul.  I will continue to be drawn to the light for I know it will be reflected back upon me.

Friendship

Today's reverb 10 prompt:  Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

My friend, the talented and beautiful Miss JOB, introduced me to the world of blogging, online classes and workshops and inspired me to participate.  One little portal, one major ripple effect.  As a result, I began creating my own blog, dreaming through art projects and challenging my photography skills.  I was starved for an artistic outlet and thanks to Miss JOB I keep finding new ones.  Perhaps it sounds silly, but whenever I hit send on my computer, I feel as if I'm communing with the universe.  My thoughts, dreams, and visions are released into space, no longer just stored in my mind, like the seed head of a dandelion drifting in the wind.  My dreams are floating in the universe waiting to come true.

FIVE MINUTES

Today's reverb 10 prompt: 5 Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes.  Set an alarm and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

1.  Visiting friends in Charleston
2.  Walking around NYC in January, finding a fantastic yoga studio, reconnecting with old friends
3.  Snowy cinematic weekend in Park City
4.  Too many hikes to count in the blooming desert while listening to Soldier of Love
5.  Setting up camp in a very windy Joshua Tree with JB
6.  Greeting spring with visitors in PS
7.  Falling in love with my Canon Rebel
8.  Creative exploration through photography classes and online workshops
9.  Exploring Todos Santos with JOB while figuring out life, full moon breathwork under the stars
10. Dreamy road trip to The Sea of Cortez
11. Celebrating my birthday with friends and pizza
12.  The courage to join the blogosphere and commit to 365 Days
13.  Road tripping to Vegas and laughing all the way
14.  Charting the seasonal changes at the local farmer's markets
15.  Dinner parties at home
16.  July in Northern California
17.  Cooking in Sausalito
18.  Weekend in wine country
19.  Road trip to Sea Ranch and Mendocino
20.  The amazing restaurants of SF
21.  Dating, dating and more dating
22.  A fateful hike with DS
23.  Falling and being caught
24.  Hall and Oates weekend in PS
25.  Star Wars, cake and a heavy mist
26.  Pappy and Harriet's
27.  Pulling off a BIG surprise party
28.  Finding ease with Mom and Dad

29.  Taking an inspirational photography class
30.  Yoga, yoga, yoga
31.  Hanging out in Malibu with MP
32.  Weekly hikes with friends in the hills of Hollywood
33.  The comfort of familiar loved ones, and the joys of  newer friendships

Body Integration

Today's reverb 10 prompt: Body Integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

At the end of last year I did a ten day detox, and as a result started 2010 on a physical and emotional high.  My body felt free of tension and my head was clear. The impact of the detox stayed with me most of the year, although I felt the best during the first few months.  My yoga practice kicked into high gear, I had oodles of energy and my cravings were non existent.  I'm longing for that integrated feeling.

Eleven Things

Today's Reverb 10  prompt:  11 Things.

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

I've been clearing, cleaning and cleansing for the past 15 months.  Are there 11 things still left to get rid of? Perhaps.

1.  Self destructive behavior which can vary in form -- not getting enough sleep, sugar, pushing myself beyond my limit, not eating right.  Sometimes I think I'm super human and incredibly resilient, but I'm not.  I'd like to honor my limitations in 2011. My overall health and physical well-being will thank me.

2.  The occasional social cigarette, my way of being "bad".  Seemingly the perfect complement to a glass of wine and conversation.  It never is.  I ALWAYS regret it and feel the consequences the next day.  I need to have greater will power and just say NO.

3.  The clutter in my garage.  I made a huge dent at a recent garage sale, but I have a few more things to sell and a little more organizing to accomplish.

4.  People who drain my energy.  It's not always easy for me to put myself first, but I need to remind myself that some relationships don't serve me well and it's okay to have wonderful memories and move on.

5.  The desire to hibernate instead of getting out of the house and being a little more social.  This one conflicts with item number one.  Not always easy to differentiate the two.

6.  Negative thoughts.  Stay positive, optimistic and always surrender.  Just trust the universe knows best!

7.  Wasting time online.  When ennui sets in it's time to turn off the computer and do anything else!

8. Not voicing my concerns.  Silencing my intuition has never lead to anything positive.  In fact, it's most often the thorn in my Achilles heal that has the power to bring me down.

9.  Avoiding conflict.  Sometimes it's unavoidable.  Telling someone the truth even if it is going to result in pain or conflict is often the only road to take.   Getting clear on what needs to be communicated is essential, as is the timing.

10.  Being hard on myself.  I'm often more loving and forgiving of others than I am towards myself.  Holding myself to higher standard is a lose/lose situation.  My imperfections are what make me human, authentic, and what the hell . . . beautiful!

11.  Fears about the future.  I'm going to TRUST and BELIEVE all my dreams and deepest desires will be fulfilled.

Party

Today's Reverb 10  prompt: Party

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Summer often arrives late in Los Angeles, but on this particular evening in late June the day's warmth clung to the air as the sun went down.  I was with friends having a casual, yummy dinner in their garden.  Moods were light, conversation easy.  Darkness had struck this family several months before, but the gray veil appeared to be lifting.  In fact, post dinner, my friend was eager to get out and go to a book party I knew about in the neighborhood.  Her husband, tired after a long week at work, was content to stay home with their three year old.  We put on lip gloss, fluffed our hair, and journeyed out to what I assumed would be an hour, two at the most, of literary chat.  The hosts' friend had indeed recently published a book, but the non fiction tale was seemingly just a ruse to have a big bash.  The backyard glowed with candles and white lights strewn in the lush hedges and oaks.  Alcohol and food flowed freely.  I ran into friends, old colleagues, and writers whose work I admired.  The night had a vibrancy and heavenly scent from the fragrant night blooming jasmine.  The conversation was stimulating, witty, even flirtatious.  It was the type of night I didn't want to end, so it didn't.  My friend and I, with one more in tow, hopped to another party I knew about conveniently located several miles away.  More familiar faces, more laughs, a bite of red velvet birthday cake in the kitchen.  Way past midnight we made our exit.  I returned my friend to her doorstep which led to a nightcap on her patio with her sleepy mate whom we woke up to tell about our nocturnal adventures.   The evening was spontaneous, fueled by the promise of summer, and unexpected. 

Beautifully Different

Today's Reverb 10 prompt: Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Since joining this challenge my mornings have started with checking the day's prompt and blogging my response prior to even getting out of bed.  But today I was stumped.  What makes me beautifully different?  This inquiry felt personal, too personal in fact, so I quickly closed my lap tap and decided to deal with it later.  Now it's later.  UGH.  I don't think I'm very different, although my life is anything but typical, so here it goes.   These are things that make me different:

My life is anything but typical -- I'm 46, single, never been married, and don't have kids, and yet I'm a romantic, domestic and love being around children.

My career has brought me deep satisfaction and financial stability, but I was disillusioned and craved a break.  I've been on "hiatus" for 15 months, and although creatively I'm ready to work again, my criteria has dramatically shifted.  I'm very optimistic about my next career move.

I was raised Catholic -- parochial school, church every Sunday, grace before meals.  In college I stopped believing in organized religion and somewhere in my late 20s I found spirituality.  I'd be lost without it.  I feel deeply connected to the universe.  I believe.  I trust.  I feel profound love. 

I have more freedom and less responsibility than any other time in my life.  I'm living the life most of  us pretend we have in our 20s.  I'm lucky.  I'm grateful. 

I'm analytical, philosophical, sentimental and intellectual.

Since I was old enough to engage I've been blessed with rich, evolving friendships.  They make my world go round.

I go with the flow.  I see the good in most, if not all, people.  I don't like to judge one's behavior.

Art, architecture, design, fashion, style, beauty -- the most glorious things about being human.

I have to be in significant pain to take an aspirin, or on my deathbed to take antibiotics.

I've always preferred whole, fresh foods to anything fast, fried and unrecognizable.

I'm a recent vegetarian.  For now it feels good.

I'm a seeker of truth, authenticity, balance and love.

I like a good party -- a tart margarita, a jammy pinot, a drag of a cigarette -- and yet the older, and cleaner I get the harder it is to recover and justify feeling so crappy.


I'm happiest in nature, but nothing is as sweet as laughing uncontrollably with a friend.

I've had an incredible life and yet I believe the best times are ahead of me. Whenever I doubt this to be true, I stumble.

I'm curious about people.  Everyone has a story and I want to hear it.

Community

Today's Reverb 10 prompt:  Community

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

One of the positive aspects of my job, when I was working, was being a part of the creative community in Hollywood.  Initially, I didn't feel the absence, but after several months the void became pronounced. Looking back, my desire to fill this space snowballed into the discovery of many wonderful communities, the majority of them online.   Mondo Beyondo was my introduction into the world of online workshops and classes, and the impetus for creating this blog.  Amelia Critchlow's Experimental Art E-Course gave me the excuse to buy watercolors, acrylics and glitter, AND spend my summer afternoons making art.  My quest to shoot photographs everyday led to joining Flickr's 365 Days project.  The most surprising, and satisfying by product of these groups is the interaction.  The comments someone leaves behind after a blog post or the feedback I give on a photograph is proof that there's a living, breathing community online bursting with support and compassion.

I've always drifted in and out of my yoga commitment, in part because I never felt connected to a studio.  After a friend kept raving about her favorite place in the valley, a twenty to thirty minute drive depending on traffic, I decided to meet her for a class.   It was exactly what I was looking for, but I told myself I couldn't take on the commute.  I also projected into the future, a future when I was working again, and rationalized I'd never be able to get to classes.  I didn't want to fall in love with a yoga studio I couldn't commit to forever.   Five months ago I ignored the chatter and started to attend classes.  The effect on my practice and spiritual growth has been profound.

In 2011 I'd like my ties to these communities to deepen.  I'm also ready to reengage with Hollywood.

Let Go

Today's Reverb10 prompt: Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I haven't quite let go of it, yet.  It's a process.  I wish it was in the past tense, and soon it will be.  I'm letting go of the belief, and subsequent disappointment, that if things don't happen during a specific time frame they won't happen at all.  I subconsciously put expiration dates on expectations, sometimes very long ones, and if I cross over the marker without the experience, an intense darkness can set in.  This is a deeply unconscious process, one that takes time, effort and awareness to unravel.  Living in the moment definitely helps, but that too can get me into trouble.  It's as if I'm Philip Pettit on a wire gracefully inching further and further into space.  I'm playing, filled with joy, and then I look down.  In fact, I force myself to look down and contemplate what appears to be an insane situation.  I'm flooded with fear.  I wobble, and lose my footing.  My heart races.  Panic sets in.  What was I thinking?  How did I get so far out on this limb?  I've distracted myself from obtaining my goals by playing on a dangerous tight rope.  Someone is going to get hurt. And that's what a negative perspective shift can do.  One moment I can be a nimble sprite and the next a clumsy, anxious damsel.  Nothing has changed.  The only thing altered is how I view myself, my life, my situation.   Thankfully awareness is the first step, and I'm very aware.

Wonder

Today's REVERB10 promt:  Wonder
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Upon reflection,  it seems that everything I did in 2010 created a sense of wonder.  An amazing realization!!!  But one of the most consistent cultivators of wonder in my life is hiking and the profound way it connects me to the universe.   Being enveloped by nature's seasonal transformation has an uncanny ability to release a spectrum of emotions.  I've encountered unexpected tears, infinite joy, deep contentment and pure gratitude.  My favorite ritual is to find a perch at the top of the mountain, a place to sit cross legged and just breathe.  After a few minutes of meditation, I open my eyes and float like a bird above the expansive city below.   I'm at one with both the grandness of the universe and the fragility of life.  The world becomes still and clear, as do my needs.  My heart knows this is happiness, this is joy, this is love.  This is a gift I can give myself everyday, any day. The gift of wonder.

Moment

Today's REVERB10 prompt:  MOMENT

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Technically this moment happened in 2009, but it was less than a year ago, mid December, and it resonates as a significant memory, one I ascribe to the past year.  At 2 am on a foggy morning in Thailand I found myself on a motorcycle sandwiched between two Thai locals.  We had just left the Bebop, a crowded jazz and blues bar on the outskirts of Pai, and were following the river back to town.  My white cotton skirt and flip flips were inadequate protection against the cold air, but I surrendered to the chill.  I remember giggling as the bike bounced across the potholed streets which several hours ago were bustling with tourists buying trinkets at the night market.  The silence that proceeds a new day was hanging in the mist.  A lone roster crowed.  I had come to Pai eight days earlier based on recommendations from friends and guidebooks describing it as a sleepy hillside town offering trekking, culinary feasts, live music and a laid back vibe.  Nestled in a green valley with hot springs, rice fields and a lovely lazy river it was too good to pass up.  Pai lived up to its accolades, but unfortunately, my concerns about traveling alone manifested there.  A destination heralded for savoring the moment illuminated my loneliness.  I surrendered to the companionship of of my book during meals.  Ennui and old demons wanted to settle in, but I found the resolve to chase them away and cleared space for meeting new people, tourists and locals alike.  The latter whom took me to the infamous bar I had read about miles from town. The moment on the motorcycle reminded me to let go even if my fears manifest, enjoy the journey even if it is unknown and uncomfortable, and let life unfold for it will be grander than I could ever have imagined.

Procrastination

Today's Reverb10 prompt: Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?


I procrastinate!!! Most of my adult life has been over scheduled, mainly due to a demanding career.   As a result chores, fun, socializing and relaxation got wedged into the crevices in between.  I was just reminded  how much I was able to accomplish in a 24 hour period when I had guests for two weeks and was planning a surprise party.  Crossing items off my To-Do list I wondered how I use to entertain AND work.  My hours were well orchestrated, not a second wasted.  Sleep was often sacrificed and I was ALWAYS tired.  In the past 15 months I've indulged in a more relaxed, unemployed lifestyle.  Sometimes I miss the pace, but more often than not I embrace the freedom to get lost in the blogosphere, read a book, take a nap, watch a movie in the afternoon, or try a new recipe without a reason.  There's always a little voice in the back on my head telling me I could be doing more, judging my daily choices, projecting regrets.  I try not to notice.  My goal is to stay in the moment, and if in the moment I'm not saving the world, or writing a novel, or changing the fine art photography world, so be it.  I like giving myself permission to, at times, do nothing.  This stage won't last forever, so I'm embracing it!