Let Go

Today's Reverb10 prompt: Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I haven't quite let go of it, yet.  It's a process.  I wish it was in the past tense, and soon it will be.  I'm letting go of the belief, and subsequent disappointment, that if things don't happen during a specific time frame they won't happen at all.  I subconsciously put expiration dates on expectations, sometimes very long ones, and if I cross over the marker without the experience, an intense darkness can set in.  This is a deeply unconscious process, one that takes time, effort and awareness to unravel.  Living in the moment definitely helps, but that too can get me into trouble.  It's as if I'm Philip Pettit on a wire gracefully inching further and further into space.  I'm playing, filled with joy, and then I look down.  In fact, I force myself to look down and contemplate what appears to be an insane situation.  I'm flooded with fear.  I wobble, and lose my footing.  My heart races.  Panic sets in.  What was I thinking?  How did I get so far out on this limb?  I've distracted myself from obtaining my goals by playing on a dangerous tight rope.  Someone is going to get hurt. And that's what a negative perspective shift can do.  One moment I can be a nimble sprite and the next a clumsy, anxious damsel.  Nothing has changed.  The only thing altered is how I view myself, my life, my situation.   Thankfully awareness is the first step, and I'm very aware.