Wheel of Time

Lingering in bed this morning, lethargic with reflection on what has been and what is yet to come.

On the precipice of a new year, a new decade, it feels overwhelming to acknowledge

how much of my life is a kaleidoscope of images twirling in the rear view mirror of time. 

So many memories, both monumental and insignificant, layered in my hippocampus.

In May of 2010 I started blogging

and as a result I have a detailed digital record of the last decade. 

2010 was a profound year of reshaping, a much needed lifestyle course correction.

Everything that resulted in the following ten years was a consequence of that sea change. 

I'm craving a little more of the adventure I had in those first few years of the decade. 

Gutting my career created a lot of unknown and ensuing anxiety,

but it also released pent up creativity, oodles of time to travel, reflection and clarity.

A year of self portraits bloomed into a professional shift in 2011

when Deb and I launched One Two Punch.  

I left the executive ranks to produce and finally had the work/life balance I had always desired.

A deeply satisfying endeavor which after five years did not provide the success we envisioned.

There were many months of deep sadness when my brain could only equate change with failure,

but this decade has taught me that growth often comes from the unplanned.  

Make decisions, aspire for joy, but don't become rigid with expectations.  

If the route you are on does not lead to contentment and expansion

take an unforeseen road.

Do not give into paralysis or fear, regardless of age.

In this decade my heart has known intense loss and love.

There was a profound unravelling as my father

laid dying in a hospital bed in New Jersey.  

We lost several family members this decade and we are dwindling in numbers,

but life is on the horizon.

Three years ago I met Scott and my heart has never felt as full.

I have never felt so loved or have had so much ease in a relationship. 

Since there are things to do on this last day of the year, I will

end this post on the optimism I want to carry with me into the next decade.

Everything is going to be ok.

There will be time for success and love and travel and friends and adventures

near and far. 

As time expands may my heart always be full of life.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight -

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Normal People

Her eyes fill up with tears again and she closes them.
Even in memory she will find this moment unbearably intense,
and she's aware of this now,
while it's happening.
She has never believed herself fit to be loved by any person.
But now she has a new life, of which this is the first moment,
and even after many years have passed she will still think:
Yes, that was it, the beginning of my life.

Ojai Solstice

Nothing to See Here

Because I kept fucking up, because it seemed so hard to not fuck up, 

I lived a life where I had less than what I desired.

So instead of wanting more, sometimes I just made myself want even less.

Sometimes I made myself believe that I wanted nothing.

Icon

Pause Button

Waiting for the Light to turn Green

Post Turkey Day Hike

Hero

The unfortunate truth is that Russia was the foreign power that systematically attacked our democratic institutions in 2016. This is the public conclusion of our intelligence agencies, confirmed in bipartisan Congressional reports. It is beyond dispute, even if some of the underlying details must remain classified.

In the course of this investigation, I would ask that you please not promote politically driven falsehoods that so clearly advance Russian interests.

As Republicans and Democrats have agreed for decades, Ukraine is a valued partner of the United States, and it plays an important role in our national security. And as I told this Committee last month, I refuse to be part of an effort to legitimize an alternate narrative that the Ukrainian government is a U.S. adversary, and that Ukraine—not Russia—attacked us in 2016.

These fictions are harmful even if they are deployed for purely domestic political purposes. 

Roller Girls

Sunday Stroll

Rachel and Nick

And We're Off

Hour of Magic

They stopped and stared, 

this doe and fawn,

for seconds that seemed to stretch 

into a hushed eternity.

I stopped and stared back,

not daring to break the spell of light

encircling these beautiful creatures. 

Song of Solomon

“Her mind traveled crooked streets and aimless goat paths,

 arriving sometimes at profundity, other times at the revelations of a three-year-old.

 Throughout this fresh, if common, pursuit of knowledge, one conviction crowned her efforts:

 ...she knew there was nothing to fear.” 

Time

The light is changing, the days are shorter and the air a little cooler.

After a warm September, I finally encountered autumn tonight on my hike,

and immediately felt nostalgic for summer.  

The bygone months of 2019 are accumulating dust in the corner. 

Soon they will be labeled and shelved and the cycle will begin again.

Impeach

The Netflix Swing

Emmys

The energy on the carpet was high as attendees in extravagant attire

 craned their necks to see who was in close proximity. 

The long tent, carpeted in purple, a shade associated with royalty, 

was outfitted with ceiling fans in an effort to keep Emmy goers from passing out.

Unfortunately, few blades circulating hot air were no defense against the sticky 90 degree heat.

I tried to stay cool, or at least appear that way, as sweat slid down by body 

and I wished a radiant PWB good luck.

She didn't need it.  

Her statues were already in the bag.

Like the 405 at 5pm, we slowly inched towards the auditorium.

Cordoned off areas on the right side of the aisle were designated for celebrity press interviews.

On the left side facing the street were rectangular cut outs in the fake green hedges, 

like kitchen picture windows,

looking onto a sea of fans observing the spectacle.  

I felt like a zoo animal in an ersatz habit.

It took us an hour to finally get indoors 

to a jammed pack lobby with an hour wait for hot dogs, soft pretzels and m&ms.

A three hour show with no wins for our team

was followed by a night of star studded parties.

My growling stomach and parched throat

enjoyed a fresh juice cocktail,

lobster rolls and shrimp dumplings

before shimmying on the dance floor.

After ten hours in 4 inch heels, false eyelashes and contacts

my body ached for the comfort of PJs and cool sheets.

This Cinderella needed to retire.

Blissful Long Weekend

Always Reading Something

A Little Night Magic

Summer in the City

We both yearned for a longer vacation,

but reality brought us back to Los Angeles this week.

We carried grains of Long Island sand in the soles of our shoes

which found a new home on the floors of our bedroom.  

They were a pleasant reminder of the shores we left behind as 

we immersed ourselves into routines of work and forgotten lists of household chores.

Soon it was the weekend again, and we greeted summer with open arms.

A backyard party, coffee with friends, and an afternoon Tarentino flick 

culminated with a Sunday morning stroll through the best farmers market on the planet.