Enlightened

I've been stumbling towards an epiphany sort of like driving in the mist with defrosters that don't quite work.  I can almost see through the windshield, but the clarity is clouded by a thin layer of condensation.  I'm aware that I want to cease resisting an aspect of my life, but I'm holding myself back, concerned it will feel like defeat.  I'm walking the fine line between letting go and giving up.  Or perhaps they're one and the same.  I truthfully don't know.  Surrendering feels scary like falling into the unknown, a dark abyss for which there's no escape.  Suspension in this limbo requires a lot of effort.   I'm asking the universe for guidance on how to move through this space and find peace on the other side.

Dedicated

My friend JOB is moving today, leaving LA to be with the man who makes her heart flutter.  She'll only be 80 miles away, and I'm already planning my first visit, but I'm sad we will no longer reside in the same city.   We've known each other for over a decade, share close mutual friends, but saw each other  sporadically.  We were able to socialize more frequently when I left my job almost two years ago.  As a result, our friendship flourished.  Our connection is intense, philosophical, psychological, inspiring and easy.  I'm grateful to experience her bright, shining light on a daily basis.  I dedicate this post to her new adventure, and I raise a glass to her courage to break down walls and soar about the universe.  The photo is one of her self-portraits.

Harmony

A full week without jet lag!  I've rejoined the living, feeling connected to my life in LA and energized by the possibilities.  Inspiration is coursing through my veins.   Lots of social engagements, spending time with friends and reestablishing relationships.  In awe of the ability to manifest dreams and float in harmony.  Grateful, fortunate, confident.

Unplugged

In addition to his regular duties as Burberry's Chief Creative Officer, Christopher Bailey handpicks young British musicians and showcases them on the corporate website under the banner Burberry Acoustic.  The bands perform, unplugged, in garden nooks, parks and alleyways.  There's a sameness to the videos -- a tight, medium shot of band members styled in Burberry trench coats and recent collections under hazy skies in a bucolic setting.  The uniformity is compelling, soothing, and inviting like many well executed advertising campaigns.  Yet, this branding effort cross-pollinates traditional marketing efforts.  Bailey has more than an eye for fashion, or an ear for music.  He has a vision and it's perfectly captured in these music videos.

Blossom

In Southern California's subtle advancement of seasons, there's still something about spring that makes my heart soar.  In my yard, the ocotillo trees have bright orange blossoms and my favorite hiking trail is unrecognizable due to the dazzling yellow brittlebush.  My extensive travels the past few months combined with the effects of global warming have disrupted any sense I have of time.  Perhaps that's why I'm even more elated to find myself in the middle of this glorious season, a season drenched in promise for the unfolding year.  My already high spirits were escalated this evening when I received news from a friend that the Chinese baby her and her husband registered to adopt five and a half years ago has finally been assigned.  I opened the email to see her photo, and my heart was flooded with joy.  Hope springs eternal on this beautiful April evening.

Drink Your Tea

I'm racing towards the future, caught up in what will happen, what won't, wondering if I need to consider plan B.  I'm getting ahead of myself, pushed by a slow anxious force, second guessing my choices, labeling them folly.  The unknown, like a wrapped Christmas present found in my mother's closet, is teasing me.  Then I read this poem by Thich Nhat Hahn and remember everything that lead me to this moment.  I'm powerless over what will be, so many moving parts, so many variables.  And the past is an accumulation of moments in my review mirror.  I only have now.

Drink your tea slowly and reverently,
as if it is the axis
on which the world earth revolves
- slowly, evenly, without
rushing toward the future;
Live the actual moment.
Only this moment is life.

Upside Down

I wonder if this is what narcolepsy feels like.  One minute I'm awake, going about my day, and then boom I crash hard.  My head is filled with deep twisted dreams, and hours have escaped before I open my eyes again.  Stiff neck, tight jaw.  I have that vivid, yet hazy recall of car chases, kidnappings, and natural disasters.  I'm certain there is calamity at ever turn.  Sometimes I feel too drugged to get up, and instead surrender to the dark underworld of my mind for another hour.  Usually I reach my peak at 2am.  I'm alert and eager to finally take that hike, but it's pitch black outside.  The afternoons I've been able to join the living I feel like a kid on summer vacation, acutely aware of the freedom granted by my unstructured life.  Everything feels right as if the planets are aligned as I move forward into uncharted, yet familiar territory.