Existence

As Covid-19 sweeps the globe, I'm reaching deep down inside to draw on strength and spirituality.

It's challenging to find the balance between staying informed and remaining calm.

The news is BLEAK and foreboding.  

Images of once bustling European city squares devoid of humans, 

empty NYC subway cars at rush hour, and bare grocery shelfs are stuff of sci-fi cinema. 

Reports from the front line in Italy rattle my well-being.

Every day it sinks in a little more — what was normal is on hold.  

For the foreseeable future we are living siloed in our individual pods,

securing our seat belts for a fucking wild ride.

What the other side of this pandemic looks like is anyone's guess.

But first we have to get there.

Photo by Kim Krans

A Snowy Walk in Colorado

Babyteeth

The brilliant Eliza Scanlen shines in this indie Australian film.

Desert Living

There's something about the desert

that allows me to decompress.

There's a welcomed ease to the unstructured days'

hours tumbling towards dusk and the sun slips behind the mountain.

In winter, the nights are crisp and require coats and hats. 

I often retire early, snuggling under the covers to read before my lids,

heavy with sleep,

call it a day.

Work in Progress

I approach every new year with intentions and goals.  

2019 was the year of tackling my backyard, a steep hillside

in need of regrading, and a new deck.

A new design would also provide an opportunity

to replant with a native habitat which in time would require less water

and bring back insects, birds and bees.

The landscaping was supposed to be completed by the end of November,

yet I start the year with the work still in progress.

It has been an arduous journey with fits and starts and constant attention to detail.

This project is a reminder that tasks aren't always completed on time,

and delays are often necessary to get the job done correctly.

The new timeline is the end of the month.  

At least I know it will be completed in 2020.

Beginnings

Is the time not come yet?

Are there works still to do?

Lo, the evening has come down upon the shore

and in the fading light the seabirds come flying to their nests.

Who knows then the chains will be off,

and the boat, like the last glimmer of sunset,

vanish into the night?

Rabindranath Tagore

Wheel of Time

Lingering in bed this morning, lethargic with reflection on what has been and what is yet to come.

On the precipice of a new year, a new decade, it feels overwhelming to acknowledge

how much of my life is a kaleidoscope of images twirling in the rear view mirror of time. 

So many memories, both monumental and insignificant, layered in my hippocampus.

In May of 2010 I started blogging

and as a result I have a detailed digital record of the last decade. 

2010 was a profound year of reshaping, a much needed lifestyle course correction.

Everything that resulted in the following ten years was a consequence of that sea change. 

I'm craving a little more of the adventure I had in those first few years of the decade. 

Gutting my career created a lot of unknown and ensuing anxiety,

but it also released pent up creativity, oodles of time to travel, reflection and clarity.

A year of self portraits bloomed into a professional shift in 2011

when Deb and I launched One Two Punch.  

I left the executive ranks to produce and finally had the work/life balance I had always desired.

A deeply satisfying endeavor which after five years did not provide the success we envisioned.

There were many months of deep sadness when my brain could only equate change with failure,

but this decade has taught me that growth often comes from the unplanned.  

Make decisions, aspire for joy, but don't become rigid with expectations.  

If the route you are on does not lead to contentment and expansion

take an unforeseen road.

Do not give into paralysis or fear, regardless of age.

In this decade my heart has known intense loss and love.

There was a profound unravelling as my father

laid dying in a hospital bed in New Jersey.  

We lost several family members this decade and we are dwindling in numbers,

but life is on the horizon.

Three years ago I met Scott and my heart has never felt as full.

I have never felt so loved or have had so much ease in a relationship. 

Since there are things to do on this last day of the year, I will

end this post on the optimism I want to carry with me into the next decade.

Everything is going to be ok.

There will be time for success and love and travel and friends and adventures

near and far. 

As time expands may my heart always be full of life.